Hope will sprout in the most unusual places.

There was a time when I suffered from severe depressive episodes every day. My room would stay unclean and unorganized day after day. My plates would pile up in the sink, and I would lie down on my bed like something was pulling me towards the deepest of depths. I would buy vegetables just to feel a little motivated about going home and cooking. I thought of countless fresh starts every day, but was unable to act on them. There were countless “I wills,” which were defeated by “I can’ts.” The dirt in my room needed to reach that point where a sprout would finally have its way to pop up.

The suffering I was going through needed to build on just for me to find out the light one day.

Going through endless darkness doesn’t ever mean that you’re not going anywhere, but it does tell you that it’s a soil you’re build on and to sprout someday, you’ll need a thick layer of dirt to stand strong on it, to let your roots go deeper and grasp your own concept. The dirt on your body, the tough passage of time, isnt a poison, but the proof of your becoming and awakening.

Hope will sprout in the most unusual places, and by that, I’m trying to tell you that hope will not look like hope to you. But hope will be finding you within yourself, where you put the least expectations. You. You are the unusual place, and you’re not supposed to find hope; it’s the hope that will find you, till you’re done sprouting and finding the light one day.

Our growth is not visible most of the time. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t growing. You keep walking every day with the thoughts of never waking up again, but still you do. And a good reason to live on is to finally see what your walking was worth of after all, so when you make it one day, it won’t look fancy but you’ll see yourself smiling at strangers again, making your meals from scratch again, looking for a good drink again, and I think that’s worth everything.

If you can’t find hope, I wish the hope finds you. Because it always does.